Thursday, July 28, 2011

COMIC CON 2011: HIGHS, LOWS, & SO-SOs


San Diego Comic Con International, the eye of the nerd storm. To stand amidst it is an amazing, inspiring, and exhausting experience. It's a pretty neat affair: for about a week, my friends, my fellow attendees, and I get the chance to engross ourselves into the art we love most, and the people who make it. Sure you can kiss ass and buy their swag, but on the flipside, you can also greet them with a firm handshake, look 'em straight in the eye, express your concerns, and they'll let you hear theirs. It's beautiful, really. Twilight will never diminish that, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't get this sort of thing at the Getty.

As the convention doors drew to a close, I passed a clipboard around in an attempt to compile all of the convention's highest, lowest, and the just plain unexceptional. You might be wondering about a few of these, so allow me the explain the reasoning: watching a man drag a rabbit on a leash is not mediocre. Watching Triple H being grandly escorted into a Mattel toy booth however, is. Some of it you'll just have take our word for it. But ultimately, I hope this will be a fair summary of what it means to be at the heart of the art.

COMIC CON HIGHS:
  • Adventure Time's parade across Fifth Avenue
  • The Muppets Take The Convention Floor
  • Pee-Wee Herman's Secret Hall H Panel
  • Black & White Darkwing Duck
  • Spike & Mike's Sick and Twisted audience conflicts over cheers and boos
  • J.G. Quintel greeted by an onslaught of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH's
  • William Shatner's Comic Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaan's the audience
  • Banana Hammock referred to as THOR'S REAL HAMMER
  • Guy hugs Steven Spielberg, only shakes Peter Jackson's hand
  • Matt Groening spitefully draws Popeye
  • Tr!ckster
  • Mustache Cash Stash
  • Bill Plympton pets a squirrel
  • Mark Murphy's Oil minicomics
  • John DiMaggio's chair-throwing antics during Regular Show panel
  • American Vampire Panel makes converts out of Rifftrax fans
  • Billy West lays the smackdown on a fan who questions his hatred for Richard Nixon
  • Worst Cartoons Ever w/ Jerry Beck
  • Sergio Aragones' Mustache
  • Rei Do Gado's $20 all-you-can-eat
  • A bulldog rides a motorcycle
  • Jeff Smith admits his love for mushroom quiche
  • Pikachu tangos with a Pokemon fan
  • Scott! Skottie! Scott C!
  • Some guy drags a rabbit on a leash
  • Piermoy's Tapetop Turtle
  • HAFJAK DIVIZ's STOP MAKING CRAP
  • Pendleton Ward gets a beach party
  • Meeting Warren Spector
  • Discovering Dinosaur Train
  • Ben Jones' Problem Solverz zines
  • James Kochalka's Digital Elf on LP
  • The discovery of toilet paper at the hotel bathroom
  • Larry Marder's Beanworld Action Figures
  • Conan o'Brien dances on the f*(@ing panel desk
  • Amazingly Non-Rabbid Rayman Demo
  • Mark Evanier's posse of voice actors
  • Getting drowsy at The Old Spaghetti Factory
  • Some blue guy trolling the Batman Q&A
  • Ducktales NES comic
  • Futurama transforms itself into a product of late 1960's Japan
  • Hasbro booth actually approachable this time around
  • Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett force a woman to sing The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
  • Elderly sailors that mysteriously appear in the convention center after hours
  • Absolutely free WiFi
  • Crepes
  • "I wonder if Han Solo ever had a blowjob" - Kevin Smith
  • Amy Winehouse (pobresita)
COMIC CON LOWS:
  • Westboro Baptist Church
  • Embarrassing fan questions during panel Q&A's
  • Convention staff's haphazard handling of lines
  • Fat guy with food scattered over his back (w/ hot girlfriend)
  • Douchey Playstation 'Payday' dev eats up all the panel's time
  • Insane early ticket line at The Town & Country Resort
  • Dudes with toys, mountains of toys, walking back to their cars smiling like butts
  • Clogging the toilet
  • People wearing furtails
  • Guy with cerebral palsy gets lost
  • Group of anime cosplayers posing for absolutely no photos
  • Rich guy brags about his "awesome" portfolio w/ his own personal pep squad
  • Furry booth creepily in an obscure part of the convention center
  • Vacant Lord of The Rings: War In The North station/parking lot
  • Nihilistic Signs From Homeless People "All I need is weed"
  • Screenplay pimping fans at the Kevin Smith's Q&A
  • Watching attendees succumbing to buying convention food
  • Guy in hotel elevator warns "You guys don't wanna come in..."
  • SLR wielding tumblr whores clogging up lines taking pictures of stars from the CW
  • Reporter's friend complains of having to walk a half a mile
  • Paleontologists in Dinosaur Train
  • Final Fantasy XIII-II
  • Furries =(
  • Amy Winehouse news (who didn't see this coming)
COMIC CON SO-SOs:
  • Cowboys and Aliens Premiere
  • Watching a man vainfully try to hand Chester Brown swag
  • Nintendo's secret WiFi password: "Nintendo"
  • Adventure Time's panel line closes within nanoseconds
  • Danny Devito's nerd-proof army of large guards
  • Beavis and Butthead's unnecessary comeback
  • $6 Beer
  • Futurama panel feels like fifteen minutes
  • Mouse Guard: Black Axe #3 no-show
  • Watching Stan Sakai sign a fan's approx. 20,000 back issues
  • Triple H being escorted into a Mattel booth
  • Laughing at LL Cool J's jokes
  • The commercial and wasteful nature of free swag
  • Robotic crosswalk voice at Third and Market spazzes out
  • Toonstruck 2 announcement no-show
  • Creepy phone calls to attendees from (333) 333-3333
  • A contortionist's endless vaudeville routine
  • Starbucks' bizarre non-coffee coffee
  • Two old guys: "what you need is a lifetime supply of viagra"
  • Joel McHale not commenting on Amy Winehouse's death on The Soup
     
    That's it. Meeting the brains behind the works we love was both great and frightening. I hoped my presence was tolerable. Thanks Chris! Thanks Amber!

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